Black Light
by Dzuljeta
Summary: Rose wakes up on the TARDIS, with the Doctor looking at her worriedly. "Rose," he breathes. "Rose." "Is she awake?" Her mother enters the infirmary hurriedly, the woman's face contorted with disquiet. He smiles at Jackie sadly, giving the girl the same question for seemingly the billionth time. "Rose, do you remember?"
1. All I know is we can't live without it

_A/N._ **Disclaimer: I own nothing, BBC owns everything.**

 _The title(s) come(s) from 'Love is a Silent Thief', a song by Katie Melua. This will be a multi-chaptered story. :)_

* * *

 **Black Light**

 **All I know is we can't live without it**

Rose wakes up on the TARDIS, with the Doctor looking at her worriedly.

"Rose," he breathes. "Rose."

"Is she awake?" Her mother enters the infirmary hurriedly, the woman's face contorted with disquiet. He smiles at Jackie sadly, giving the girl the same question for seemingly the billionth time.

"Rose, do you remember?" She grabs for his hand... this desperate gesture only tells him that she doesn't. Not fully, not yet… The panicked look in the companion's eyes only confirms his fears, and he knows just what is coming. Sometimes, the wording is slightly different, but… The Time Lord smiles at her encouragingly just the same.

"Doctor. Have I died?" The same question, the same answer. "I will tell you _everything_ , my dear. For now, just sleep." A tender touch of her temples, and Rose is asleep.

"For how much longer, Doctor? Why wouldn't you just allow her to wake up properly?" The mother was growing more and more desperate each day. It was well she found it too hard to come visit them in the TARDIS every day…

All he wanted sometimes was get the old girl into the vortex and have some rest from the worried woman… but he could not do that. The TARDIS wouldn't budge. _Women…_

The Doctor sighed heavily, already used to repeating the same words over and over again. "Give her another week, Jackie."

"That's what you said three months ago!"

"I can't have known her body would take so much strength from her to adjust to all the necessary changes," he spoke calmly… or believed he did. Jackie Tyler knew better, able to see some of the unhidden sorrow in his eyes whenever the Time Lord believed she was not looking. If she had learnt one thing about the Doctor during these empty months – he was blaming himself for _everything_. Even though it was clear he had nothing to blame himself for… but for the wish to save Rose in the only way he could have thought of in the panic attack the Doctor must have had when Rose's fragile _single_ human heart has stopped beating for the first time. Little did he know that would not have been the only instance…

"At least she remembers you," she told him encouragingly, catching his eyes for a moment. The alien appeared to be – and has been - so distressed Jackie kept wondering if he has ever remembered to sleep or to eat. He has even stopped hiding his tears from Jackie recently. "Shush now, Doctor. It's going to be all right," Jackie Tyler hoped assuring him would help her believe it.

* * *

The next time Rose's mother has found the strength in herself to visit her daughter was two days later. She could feel tension rolling off him in waves whenever she was nearby… Even Jackie understood it would be better for them not to meet every day, for which the Time Lord has been very thankful.

Everything's seemed to be just the same as on the times before. Jackie glanced at the Doctor, aware he has seen her.

"Rose." _My dearest, my sweetest girl._ "Do you remember?"

Strangely, the girl nodded at him excitedly. The expression on her face was too far for Jackie to make out, but the relieved sigh that's left the Time Lord's lips must have meant something was going well.

"I remember." Jackie could not control an excited gasp. Could this really be happening? At last?

The Doctor seemed to have quietly been encouraging her to speak. "We've been talking, then we kissed in the moonlight. Then we were dancing to some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard, then we were kissing again and then we were making love and then- and then I died," Rose gasped, still not used to spill so much information in one go, without having taken a single breath.

"You are here now, Rose. On the TARDIS, with me keeping you company," a small smile appeared on his lips.` He kissed her slowly and tenderly then, knowing it was not time for her yet to get up. With another kiss to her hair the Doctor rose and nodded at Jackie.

"Why have you made her fall asleep now?! Surely, Rose is ready to return to her everyday life already?"

The mother was honestly upset all of a sudden. "If she remembers, why keep her in a constant slumber?"

The Doctor could not hope to properly explain these things to Jackie Tyler so that she would understand.

He knew now – has learnt it the hard way – Rose herself, as soon as she realised what was happening to her without a word about it from the Doctor - has made sure her looks did not change when she regenerated for the first time. This has made it complicated for her body and mind to make sure the induced changes in her nature took place all at once. Instead of several days, the painful process has taken several months.

But Rose was _alive_. Considering the amount of times she's died when regenerating - her hearts, both the one on the left side and the new one- kept giving in during the complicated process- the amount of his own regenerative energy he has sacrificed for Rose's survival could have killed him had the TARDIS not given her own power to finish this. After all, a trip to the rift was all it took to fix her. Losing her pilot and her Wolf was out of the question.

* * *

"Rose…" His voice is just as tender as before.

"Doctor," she reacts immediately this time, her hand reaching not for his hand but for his face. He kisses the tips of her fingers, then smiles.

"Do you remember?" The Doctor gives her the question out of habit, then shakes his head at his own silliness, blushing a bit.

Rose giggles. "The kiss? The dance? The way your body felt against mine?" She offers him a blissful smirk. He eyes her questioningly. If Rose does not recall the regeneration...

"Do you hate me for what I have done, Doctor?" Rose watches him pleadingly, suddenly afraid of his response. "Maybe I should have just-"

 _No. No, Rose._ I _have enforced this drastic change on you, because-_

The girl stares at him blankly. The Doctor smiles sadly at her reaction. Maybe the regeneration, no matter its length, was incomplete, knowing it was not a natural one… _Possibly._ He gulps.

* * *

Rose stuck her tongue at him, which has only puzzled him further. "What?" He muttered, unable to take her unexpected and unrecognisable reactions as something natural between them any more. After a little more than three months of little to no communication with his beloved companion (and way too much communication with Jackie Tyler), he was suddenly uncertain about some of the things he had always been sure about… and that felt very, very wrong. His Rose, as a Time Lady (for he was sure about the two hearts beating in her chest, at least), should have been able to hear his unuttered thoughts, some of them… but she apparently hasn't, and he did not know what to do, and-

Rose's eyes were almost full of tears then. _Gods. Don't be silly, Doctor._ _Of course I can hear you and feel you, I have just been teasing you-_

 _Never do that again,_ he asked of her simply.

 _Okay!_

Both the Doctor and Rose knew the promise meant nothing and they were both going to tease each other every day… _as long as you keep the teasing away from our- '_ Bedroom' was the word. Now that everything was back to normal – as normal as it could get with one's nature changed completely… Even if it meant they would not go past kissing for many days to come…

Rose has put on an everyday ensemble and pinkish trainers quickly… and they were both ready to face Jackie Tyler.

Or so it seemed.

* * *

 _A/N. I could either take them back to their first night together (with some explanations as to where or how) or push things forward in time a little bit… For a similar thing, perhaps. The rating stays as it is for now. Perhaps the chapter's a little short, perhaps a little unusual… But this is just the beginning. I am off to hospital on Friday, that's why I have been in such a hurry to post. Make me happy and review?_


	2. Gold can turn to sand

_A/N. I'm back, after two weeks in hospital and three weeks in sanatorium. Home at last! Updates at last. Your favourites and follows (no new reviews, why's that?) have made my stay away from home bearable. Thank you!_

 _Flashback it is… I have been trying to shorten it, but I'm afraid it has turned out to be too long to fit it in a single chapter (as I prefer keeping my chapters ~short, as you might have noticed).  
_

* * *

 **Previously…**

 _Rose has put on an everyday ensemble and pinkish trainers quickly… and they were both ready to fwce Jackie Tyler._

 _Or so it seemed._

* * *

 **Black Light**

 **Gold can turn to sand  
**

 _Five months ago_

Rose has still been giggling at the Doctor the moment he has taken the TARDIS into the vortex without a single word, looking honestly aggrieved.

The girl did not understand why he had looked so wounded. "Was it something Mum said?"

"What did Jackie mean when she said 'That's open to debate'?"

 _Oh. Ah._

Rose turned her eyes away. "Our relationship _is_ open to debate, in a way," she said. "I am used to it, don't worry," the companion hurried to assure him. "People from aside are positive we are a couple. Let them think it, it saves us from unnecessary trouble," she winked at him.

The Time Lord knew she was right. Constantly labelling Rose as his 'plus one' or his 'best friend' has long since become natural for him. A way to harmlessly protect themselves in the ordinary _human_ mass.

The thoughtful look on his face was unsettling. "As long as we know who we are," Rose sent him a wry smile. _Even if the way you see it differs from mine._

The Doctor did not react to her words, Jackie's thoughtless remark still playing in his head.

 _It still amuses me how everyone keeps asking me about 'Rose's boyfriend.'_

" _Stop, it, Mum. You know we're not-"_

 _The Time Lord has sent but one look towards Jackie Tyler. She gasped at the momentary self-explicatory gaze he gave her, covering her mouth in shock. It bore such deep feeling of a worlds-shattering love to her daughter boiling within him in that one look has made her question if love of such intensity could even exist without causing some kind of irreparable danger to the universe._

 _Having cleared his throat meaningfully (Jackie seemed to have seen some meaning in it, anyway), the Doctor shrugged, shaking it off. "Either way, we should better be going," he grabbed Rose's hand, no sight of the overwhelming feeling in the Time Lord's eyes once again._

 _She did not object, likely as much in need to leave as he has been. "Yes. See you again soon, Mum!"_

" _Don't you dare not to! And, Doctor… even if your relationship with Rose" – he stared at Jackie pleading for silence – "is open to debate," Jackie continued, ignoring him – "my baby only deserves the best. Make sure you grant it to her! Now… off with the two of you! Out, out!"_

Rose was ready to forget this small incident, knowing the Doctor was always ready to put the uncomfortable things out of his mind.

"Where to next, Doctor?" She asked him, aware he needed some distraction.

He smiled at her softly. "Wherever _you_ want, Rose. Whenever you want."

This was unexpected. Even if she knew that much should not have been a surprise for her by now, the girl stuttered. She has hoped to avoid this option, but even the fate seemed to lead her towards it. Towards exposing one of her most painful secrets, one she has hoped to hide from him for at least several months more. "Er… well… I-" Rose bit her lip.

"Tell me. Perhaps I should listen to your mother for once. Wherever, whenever you want- your wish is my command!" The Doctor's sincere excitement amused her.

Rose took a deep breath. "You have told me once there was but one place more medically advanced than the TARDIS. Take me there?"

The TARDIS let out a sorrowful wail. Rose has taken it as a sign of discontentment from the old girl. The Doctor's bond with his ship has allowed him to see more to it. He sighed. "Are you aiming for hurting her on purpose?" The Time Lord said lightly instead, almost as good at hiding his feelings as Rose.

"No, never," the companion hurried to assure both the ship and the Doctor. "It's just- you'd said, and I've been wondering-"

"Fine," he said simply. "Hold on, because it's going to be harsh!"

Rose has barely felt any movement at all. "Harsh, eh?" She grinned at him.

"Before we step out, Rose… you'll need to think of some illness, because we wouldn't be allowed on the planet otherwise."

"But we _are_ on the planet now?" She countered, smiling.

"For as long as-" The Doctor gazed at her, as if looking for determination in himself to do something. Preferably, with Rose.

The cheeky human eyed him knowingly and stepped out. There was a reason why she has insisted they visited this particular planet… A reason why she was determined to be the first to step out. Luckily, the Doctor has decided to stay inside for a few more minutes and try to calm his hurt vessel down.

"Hello!" Two humanoids addressed Rose at once as soon as she left the ship. "Surely, you are aware a human is not supposed to be travelling across time and space without someone of higher species?"

Rose nodded. "He's still on board. Perhaps too mad at me for having decided to visit this place," she shrugged. "Or perhaps the ship has found a way to hold him back."

"Perhaps it's better this way," a man with greenish skin and dark green hair – with the bright green of his eyes almost shining like neon – agreed, taking her by the hand. Rose shuddered involuntarily, blaming her reaction at the unusual sight. She was glad the other man, one whose skin and eyes were a variation of violet kept away from touching her. "We wouldn't want your lover to know you're dying?"

Rose did not seem surprised, sighing, not even bothering to object to the _lover_ part. "I suppose nothing can be done to-"

"To stop it? No. Try and make the best of your brief remaining life, yeah? Considering he seems up to fulfilling your wishes, get him to take you to some sort of pleasure planet!"

The girl grimaced, sighed… then smiled, turning away from the curious aliens. "I am going to do just that." She was hoping to be left alone to make her own research for a while, but the men did not move. "It is clear you want to go look for something on your own, dear…. But we can't allow a _human_ , particularly one so undeveloped, to wander on her own!"

* * *

The TARDIS kept the Doctor from leaving the vessel.

"What's up with you, old girl?"

The ship remained silent. How was she going to explain the situation to her pilot?

Luckily, Rose returned then. "They wouldn't allow me to get out of their sight, can you believe it, Doctor? They say I am _undeveloped_!"

"Raihumans… A vain, self-centred species. Not very clever. Like to attend parties above all. Nothing to worry about!" He smirked at her.

"Raihumans?" Rose choked with laughter. "As in, rainbow-humans? Not very clever, indeed."

He nodded, failing to keep a straight face. "They are great at identifying illnesses, though not as good at healing them as they claim to be."

"You must look very pretty to them, golden hair and all," the Doctor continued dreamily. "This must be one of the reasons they have not brought you straight back to the TARDIS, aggressive that they might be."

Rose shuddered, but not because of his words. She has already seen their ability to identify illnesses… But what about their ability to keep their mouths shut? She sighed.

The Doctor saw an entirely different reason in that. "Don't worry. They don't find Earthlings attractive in _that_ sense at all. Are you ready to go?"

"I am always ready. Have you thought of an illness, though?"

The Doctor grinned at her. "Is being unimaginably in love not an illness big enough?"

Rose stared at him, not having expected that. " _Are_ you? Anyway, love's not an illness. Sorry."

The Time Lord shrugged. "Pity. Let's just tell them I am your guardian. Anyone can see just how jeopardy-friendly you are, Rose."

She smacked his hand. "They have suggested me to visit some pleasure planet. What do you say to that?"

His eyes widened. "I would go wherever with you. It's my duty to keep you safe, yeah? Pleasure planet or not," he took her hand and exited the ship with Rose by his side.

"Hello!" The green humanoid spoke, addressing the Doctor. "Are you sure you are fit to enter this place? You don't seem to have any health problems."

"I am here to accompany my curious little human," the Doctor spoke dryly.

Rose giggled, it usually being the other way around.

"I hope you find what you need. It's lovely to see someone caring about-"

The pink and yellow human looked at the man with plea in her eyes. He eyed her pityingly. "Get her to a pleasure planet instead. There are things no medicine can fix, but sufficient rest and good care should postpone the inevitable somewhat. I hope you keep showering your human lover in love and affection until the end, yeah?"

The Doctor was neither blind nor stupid and was even ready to trust raihuman judgement this time. "How long?" He mouthed. The green man raised two fingers, smiling at him sadly. The worst thing was it was nearly impossible for the species to be mistaken in these things.

All of a sudden, the miraculous medical planet was forgotten, as all the Doctor could think about was the dreadful thing his golden Rose has never spoken to him about.

* * *

 _A/N. Please, share your thoughts! :)_


	3. Where oblivion ends and oblivion starts

_A/N. Thank you! The story keeps writing itself at its own pace. We should be back to the 'present'... eventually. Not in the chapter following this one... Guess why. :)_

* * *

 **Previously…**

 _All of a sudden, the miraculous medical planet was forgotten, as all the Doctor could think about was the dreadful thing Rose has never spoken to him about._

* * *

 **Black Light**

 **Where oblivion stops and oblivion starts  
**

 _Five months ago_

If the almost brutal way in which she was brought back into the TARDIS was hurting her, Rose said nothing about it. It was the hurt look on the Doctor's face that was breaking Rose's heart to pieces. The Doctor piloted the TARDIS into the vortex without letting go of Rose's hand.

"Why haven't you told me anything, Rose?!"

The companion bit her lip and shook her head, sighing heavily.

"I feel fine right now, if that's what worries you, Doctor," Rose spoke, unable to look him straight in the eye, feeling like a traitor of his trust. But she couldn't have told him such news, not so soon after she has promised him her forever… One promise she could actually and truly keep, now that her life was slowly fading away… Rose gulped.

"'I feel fine'," the Doctor mocked, suddenly feeling hurt she has kept something so important from him. "What about how _I_ feel?"

"The same way I felt when you were gone snogging around in France?" She countered, having hoped this small detour of his – just one kiss, he had sworn - would have been gone from her treacherous memory by then.

The Doctor froze. It was unlikely Rose would ever forget the incident. It was fine she hasn't, he knew. Just another reminder of his stupidity.

"For that one kiss, I am sorry. So sorry." He turned her around to face him. "I truly am."

Rose turned her eyes upwards. "It's none of my business whom you kiss or how many times you do it, Doctor." Her voice was terrifyingly even. He wouldn't even have objected if she made a scene about it, however long ago Reinette happened. "I have apologised!" The Time Lord reminded her patiently.

She nodded, another sigh escaping her lips.

"Why haven't you told me?' The Doctor repeated the question quietly.

"Because I know it's too late to do anything about it. I can walk, I can talk, I can think, I can run... Can do anything," she smiled at him assuringly, but it did not reach her eyes. He knew why. In truth, she has been as desperate about the fact she has seemingly been terminally ill as he has become since the moment the 'news' has reached him.

"For now, you mean?" The Doctor was trying his best to hide his own feelings from Rose… But some of them have seemingly slipped through his Time Lord façade anyway, deepening the companion's guilt further.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, her face suddenly seeming just a tiny bit livelier with the blush now on her cheeks. Just another thing for the Doctor to blame himself for. Why hasn't he been there when his Rose has needed him the most?

Rose has misread the worried look in his eyes. "I should have told you, Doctor! I know that… But I was afraid it would have made you turn away from me and-" She stopped before her bubbling emotions got the better of her.

"It's not a human illness. I am fine now and I will remain so until the end, I've been told," Rose's smile seemed even less honest than the one before.

"Do you honestly think I would allow you to simply pass away? You are _important_ to me, Rose!" He could have repeated this for a thousand times and it wouldn't have become any less true.

"I'm glad to hear that," she breathed.

The Doctor knew that particular illness - one she must have caught when saving infected people from execution on Mudin – having brought Rose there was just another thing to blame himself for - could not be cured by ordinary means. Often could not be cured at all...but he was a Time Lord! There _had_ to be a way!

"Don't take it to your hearts so much, Doctor. These things happen sometimes." It sounded as if the Londoner were trying to calm herself down as much as him.

"It shouldn't have happened! None of this, not to you, my Rose! I shouldn't have taken you there! Shouldn't have risked your life like that!"

"Hush, Doctor. I still have some time. Maybe you will even grow tired of me during those months, yeah?"

He paled at her words. "Never say that, Rose." The Doctor was not prepared for her antics, not then. "This is serious!"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Just serious enough to kill me, yes."

"Rose!"

"I am just as afraid of dying as you imagine I would be. But I still have- two months, two days and several hours left to live. No need to worry about that now, Doctor." Rose was very good at hiding her emotions… but the Time Lord was even better at deciphering them. She was terrified.

"Do I want to know just from where you have got this _information_?"

Rose sighed again. "Ask the TARDIS… but not now. I- I don't think I could listen to my two favourite beings quarrelling over- over something impossible to change, yeah?"

He noticed Rose's voice was nowhere as steady as before. Getting her even more stressed was a very bad idea. She had to remain calm and happy for her own good… while he thought of a way to cure her. "Let's go somewhere nice, m?"

"Where?" The excitement in her voice and the sparkle in her eyes have only reminded the Doctor how important this girl was for him. But the Doctor knew there were other people in her life. Jackie, first of all. He _had_ to ask.

"Does Jackie know?"

Rose started at his unexpected question. "No."

"Mickey?"

"Oh, no."

This was surprising. "Does someone else know about this situation? Have you told _anyone_?"

"Should I have?"

"Jackie's your mum. Mickey's your friend. I think you should have informed someone, at least your mother."

"But… have you seen just how excited Mum has been today? I couldn't just wipe it away, yes?"

"If I hadn't met these raihumans, Rose… would you have told me eventually anyway?"

"The TARDIS would have. I wonder why she hasn't up till now."

The Doctor caught her uncomfortable look, having forgotten momentarily he has been determined not to cause Rose more distress than she's been going through. "This is very important, Rose. I need to know. Would you have told me?"

"Yes."

He smiled at her. This word was all he wanted to hear. "Of course you would have."

She nodded. "Keeping secrets from you never ends well, Doctor," Rose giggled. There have been things she's never told him… But those were mostly common knowledge to everyone but him. Her admirable, purposefully ignorant Time Lord.

"True," the alien agreed, knowing more about Rose's _secrets_ than she was ready to learn about. Not on a devastating day like this… None of the days were ever going to be the same, not with her apprehended soon-to-be demise, one he could never, ever allow to happen. "Shall we go?" The Doctor remembered himself, happy her probably not-entirely-genuine excitement was back on Rose's face again. She's even given him her tongue-touched grin.

He's dialled the coordinates with barely a moment's hesitation. "I haven't been to this place for hundreds of years," he admitted uncomfortably. "I'm afraid we'll need to play a happy couple once again..."

"So? We're happy and there are two of us," Rose reminded. Before he could take her hand and lead her outside, she stopped him. "Wait, wait! There must be a dress code of some sort in wherever you're taking me!"

"It's a pleasure planet, Rose. Anything works!"

The look on the Doctor's face was not so certain.

Rose giggled. "No, judging from what I see on your face, Doctor, there is a dress code… and you don't like it. What is it? Beach attire? Something weird and disturbing? Some sort of carnival costumes?" She guessed. "Or is it something official?"

"No matter what I wear, I always blend in," he shrugged. "Only this time, I am not so certain. Will have to take something off," the Doctor took off his suit jacket. "Or else I will be forced to remove it anyway," he gave her a thoughtful look.

"What about me, Doctor?" Rose Tyler was not used to being forgotten, especially not by the Doctor.

"Try something… er. Something sexy," he muttered.

Rose's surprise was evident in her expression. "Could you be more precise, Doctor?"

The Time Lord was saved by his ship, a dress meant for Rose to wear having materialised right in front of her.

The girl did not question the ship's choice. "I'm off to my room to change, yeah?"

Even if the Doctor would not have been against her putting on the garment right there in the console room – it would not have been the first time, and he was good at not looking, anyway – he allowed her to have her way. "Go ahead, surprise me!"

* * *

The moment Rose returned – must have been a good twenty minutes she was gone – fine, whom was he fooling – she was gone for twenty-four minutes and forty-six seconds – he was left stunned, gaping at her.

"Is this too much?" Rose felt she needed to cover herself all of a sudden.

Too sexy – check. Too revealing – check. Too short – check. Too sparkly – check. And why, why has the ship decided the dress had to be the exact shade of TARDIS blue?

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Mn- nope. It's _perfect_. Really… fitting!" He was only afraid this perfection would take away the remainder of his reason. They had to be going now, or else…

Rose took the Time Lord by the hand. "Off we go!"

Her excitement was contagious.

"Off to another adventure!" The alien agreed, grinning at her.

* * *

The moment they were surrounded by a crowd of excited people, the Doctor's hands were around Rose's waist instinctively. Luckily, she felt the need to press closer to him, too. That was what has saved them.

"Finally! A couple! A _proper_ couple!"

The Doctor exhaled. "Yes, we are. This is Rose and I am the Doctor. What is this place? You seem to be… partying? What is the occasion?"

"We are testing a new chemical meant to make people let go of their deepest fears… or their deepest desires."

Rose locked her eyes to his. But if it was a panicked 'run!' or something entirely different… he honestly couldn't care less. Not when his proclaimed sweetheart was so impossibly close to him...

* * *

 _A/N. Please, leave a review? :)_


	4. So much more than you could ever give

_A/N. Thank you! Warning: partial non-con. This is the reason why the rating goes up. Not the original reason why it should have. Not yet. :( Let's keep it nice and slow for now, yeah?_

* * *

 **Previously...**

 _Rose locked her eyes to his. But if it was a panicked 'run! or something entirely different… he honestly couldn't care less. Not when his proclaimed sweetheart was so impossibly close to him…_

* * *

 **Black Light**

 **So much more than you could ever give  
**

 _Five months ago_

Rose's mind was warning her against staying there for another minute… But she's had the Doctor with her. As long as they were together, nothing could have gone wrong.

Their proximity has suddenly hit her. It was nothing unusual for them… However, never before had her own senses been twisting within her so. She must have been feverish. "Doctor."

"Rose." His voice sounded wrong. She looked at him and would have backed away, had the Time Lord's embrace not kept her locked to him.

"Are you… are you okay?" She managed, hoping beyond hope he was at least sensible enough not to attempt something unacceptable there and then.

"Oh, yes," he breathed. "Has anyone told you just how attractive you are, Rose?"

The companion could see he was fighting the effect of whatever it was the room was filled with. She sighed, shuddering at the possibilities prolonged stay in that place might fill the Doctor's mind with. Not only that – Rose could feel the most dreadful part of the process - she was slowly getting affected herself. All of a sudden, the dangers began to seem more like a pleasant addition to this adventure.

"You just have," Rose assured him. "Although 'beautiful' would have sufficed," she muttered.

"Beautiful, charming, alluring… it all goes without saying, Rose."

She inhaled, fighting the wish to close the remaining barely-existent distance between them. It was becoming harder by the second. The remnants of her reason still unaffected by the unwished-for aphrodisiac suggested her one more way to postpone the inevitable. Even if this felt nowhere as unwelcome as before. "Talk to me. Tell me beautiful things. Tell me anything, just- keep talking. Please, Doctor…"

"Does the sound of my voice please you?" He breathed, still keeping from crossing the invisible Doctor-companion border so engraved in their subconscious not even some sort of an alien aphrodisiac was going to change that.

"Yes. _Yes_ , it does," Rose whispered. "Very… much." Neither she nor the Doctor paid any mind to the people watching them curiously. They were both too involved in keeping the uninvited, boundaries-crashing desire away. The effort was excruciating.

"Let's get out… of this place?" She managed, almost physically feeling her reason slipping away.

"No. Not yet, Rose," the Doctor stopped her, able to fight the aphrodisiac well enough when it meant Rose's self-conscious decisions. Particularly ones so important for them both. "We should wait."

"Hm?"

The Doctor spoke in a tone no-one could ignore. "Mind granting us some pleasant, _romantic_ environment, instead of keeping us in this hole of a place?"

* * *

"I'm afraid this isn't enough," the apparent leader of the company noted. "We should double the dosage."

"The blonde is _human_ ," someone else grimaced with distaste. "It's going to be too much for her. We shouldn't-"

"Pray, how many humans have you met in your pitiful simple life to _know_ this, Subject-3081?"

"It's common knowledge."

"Not when her lover's a Time Lord," the one visibly above in rank shrugged. The Doctor visibly was nowhere as susceptible to the aphrodisiac as expected, but this could be changed easily. "Do you realise just how much this discovery, this _possibility_ might give us? Our planet would go up in planetary rank by hundreds!"

"She is human, no matter the species of her boyfriend!" Subject-3081 objected. "You, above all, must know what is going to happen if we don't follow the unspoken rule to never harm our clients!"

"This is no harm. This is assistance! Improvement!"

With no further objections heard from whoever might have dared to oppose him, the one in command smirked. "Double the strength."

* * *

The effect was immediate. Both the Doctor and Rose have felt it, the increased sensation of – lust, to put it nicely – making them want to forget everything and snog… shag the other into oblivion… because that was what this whole life was about?

This has been the desired effect those responsible for this must have expected. But this was _too_ much. Even for someone as weak as a human. Rose could not think clearly, only seeing the Doctor close to her. The wish to snog him has always been there… The human has long ago convinced herself their relationship was never, ever going to get any further than this.

"D-D-" Funny how even her vocal chords refused to work in this wicked place… Rose did not dare to move away from him, keeping both of his hands in hers… just in case one of them was going to give in to the effects of the aphrodisiac. She could not be sure if she were not going to be the one to give in to the seductive feeling first.

* * *

"Make a guess. Is she trying to tell her lover to remove her dress or all she wants is have his dick inside her?" The subsequent laughter echoed all around the place. "The increase in dosage is working, I'm telling you!"

Too bad for the ones experimenting on them (and luckily for the two time-travellers) they have had no idea about the real situation between them…

* * *

Apparently, the Doctor could not find his tongue as well. This was enough for him to attempt fighting the unknown forces… But not enough for some of his wildest desires to go away. "R-"

* * *

"They have asked for _romantic_. As you appear to know humans so well, give them moonlight. Give them music."

The man in command, Ri-2 (for Ri-1 was long gone… possibly for three hundred years) was already nourishing the upcoming success this union of two species would bring him. The room was illuminated in natural-looking moonlight at once. "Not _here_ , you imbecile! Outside!"

* * *

The Doctor pulled Rose closer to himself, only half-realising this was the first step in letting go of everything the unwritten Time Lord –companion relationship rules might have said. But Rose was so beautiful and clever and enticing and admirable and sexy and- He freed his hands from hers without a word – it was unlikely he was going to be able to say something out loud, anyway – and led her outside.

Nobody stopped the couple from going out. It has all been a part of the bigger plan.

The almost sticky thickness of the atmosphere was gone the moment they were no longer in the room. The sudden sensation of freedom has made the Time Lord remember his gob at once. "Rose- The full moon is beautiful tonight! Come, let me show you…"

Rose exhaled in relief. At least some fresh air was undoubtedly going to clear her thinking… right? The wish to stay close to the Doctor has but intensified… as has the wish to kiss him. And more, but this much was forbidden. This must have been the effect of their bodies touching. Nothing else.

"Doctor…" Rose looked around in admiration and distrust. She has made out this was still the same place, the same building, some sort of a garden, something like the TARDIS could create. "This… isn't real, yeah?"

"Nope, it isn't. But what does it matter?" He breathed into her hair. "We could just-"

"It matters. I want some real moonlight. Some proper music. Not-"

She started at his following words. "You are the most amazing being in all of creation, Rose Tyler."

"Really?" The girl smiled at him fondly. It can't have been his idea to land them in the middle of something so- so- revealing? Disturbing? The effect of the aphrodisiac seemed to have only been growing stronger. This entire place - including the outside – must have been fake. However, Rose did not care half as much any more. She loved him. He must have fancied her somewhat as well. Nothing else mattered.

"Of course, Rose. I have meant every word I said." _Because it is this place, and this place only, where we can do_ anything _we want._ Rose must have been too ignorant to notice… or refusing to.

The Doctor changed the subject instead. "Can you hear the music, Rose?"

" _Strangers in the Night_?" Seriously?"

"I know! Can anything get more cliché than that?" The Doctor shrugged. "At least they must have some recordings to fit our cause, right, love?"

Rose shuddered, suddenly feeling responsible for both herself and the Doctor, who seemed to have been enjoying this impossibly disturbing situation the drug has placed them into immensely. The weird change in the atmosphere surrounding them has only made her more self-conscious. She needed to get them both out.

* * *

Meanwhile, the ones in charge of creating a sensation were growing uneasy. "Human. Unable to take it, hm?"

"I'm sure this can still be fixed!" It couldn't, as it has all started wrong. But all there was left for them to do was watch their clever plan fall to pieces.

* * *

"You should take me to that planet where the moon is-"

"Of course, Rose. Anything." The Doctor understood exactly what was happening… They were being toyed into making love, likely with everyone watching… He could never allow this to happen. But one kiss, just one, it wouldn't hurt… Before he could utter this request, Rose spoke, her voice no louder than a breath.

"Take me back to the TARDIS? Please?" A new wave of barely controllable desire has made Rose do the most foolish thing in this complicated situation, the closeness making her tremble in need. She whispered into his ear. "Please?" She repeated.

"Right now?" The Doctor sounded hurt. So much of the incredible expectations.

"We need to return first. Need to find out what we really feel for each other."

The gravity of her voice has reminded him of her situation. "It's a good thing I have pockets," he giggled bitterly, his breath brushing her ear, a sonic screwdriver in his hand. "Hold on!"

* * *

They have materialised on the steel console room floor in the TARDIS. Rose smiled at the Doctor sadly. "Have I ruined your plans? I think I have?"

"Only one, Rose."

"Sorry," she muttered. "This trip has only made me feel all sorts of dirty. I am off to take a bath." Her tiny and sparkly TARDIS-blue dress was off her in a moment.

The Doctor gulped. It was now or never.

"Rose?"

She froze.

"If it's of no difference to you- my bathroom is closer and is much more spacious. Generally, one much better than the tiny one in your room-"

The companion bit her lip. The effects of the aphrodisiac were gone as soon as they have entered the ship… Or were they?

"Sure. I don't really see why not."

* * *

 _A/N. I know this is nowhere as drastic as I could have made it._ _Please, tell me what you think. :) It means everything to me.  
_


	5. Mouth shut, eyes open

_A/N. I am not forgetting or abandoning any of my ongoing stories. Rest assured, all of them will be updated._ _Even if I might favour some fics just a bit more on a certain period of time, it means nothing.  
_

* * *

 **Previously…**

 _The companion bit her lip. The effects of the aphrodisiac were gone as soon as they have entered the ship… Or were they?_

" _Sure. I don't really see why not."_

* * *

 **Black Light**

 **Mouth shut, eyes open**

 _Five months ago_

The Doctor followed her, careful to keep considerable distance between them. It was impossible to miss the door to his en suite, but he kept guard of her, just in case. Her barely existent underwear had no effect on him. None at all. Besides, he was pretty good at not staring. Really. Well- the way into his room could have been just a bit longer…

Common sense has kicked at him only when they were in front of his bathroom room. "There you go, Rose. I'll leave you to it."

The girl felt as if she'd just been slapped, her words bitter. "Is this what you want?"

The Doctor blinked at her, not understanding. It was never his intention to hurt her. "Er-"

Rose rolled her eyes at him. "Are you coming or not?"

He eyed her wryly. "Do you want me to?" Maybe the effect was not gone off her system entirely. It was impossible to say…

"Well, yeah, it's your bathroom and everything," Rose peeked into the bathroom at last. The bath was already filled with water. Rose could not help but sighed happily. There were no bubbles in the bath, but Rose could not care less, suddenly burning with need to submerge in water, not too hot, not too cool, just the temperature the human loved. Besides, was there much of her body the Doctor did not yet see? After their time in that pleasure planet, there can't have been a lot his keen eyes have missed…

"Close your eyes, would you, Doctor?" Rose did not mind having the Doctor there with her. A wandering thought about her request being completely pointless, as the clear water did not hide anything has reached her, but she was not going to give in to the unwelcome feeling of shame. In two seconds, she was completely bare. In three, she was in water, a moan of pleasure escaping her lips.

"Erm… I think I should be giving you privacy," the alien suggested, uncomfortable, his eyes still closed.

"Look me in the eye, Doctor," Rose's voice was almost inaudible. "I would like to ask you a favour… but it's okay if you decline."

He eyed her curiously. It was almost impossible for him to deny Rose anything.

"Take something off first, unless you prefer boiling in here," she smirked, submerged in the pleasantly warm water. The Doctor had to employ his best poker face abilities in order not to gape at her - Rose was seemingly too much in a hurry to get in a bath to put in some bubbly essence so as to somehow cover her nakedness. She still could, as several bottles of bubbly essences were within her reach… But she did not attempt to mask her bare body from him in any way.

"Are you all right, Rose?"

She snorted. "Do you want me to start screaming at you for having entered without permission?"

"I can always leave," he hurried to assure her, uneasy. He has been trying to leave her to take her bath in peace for several times now.

Rose shook her head wildly, water dripping everywhere. "Could you help me instead?"

"It depends on the request, dear." That was a lie and it was likely the blonde knew it too. She giggled, allowing herself to look ashamed.

"I'm talking about you helping me to wash all this grime off me. Could you?"

For a moment he was stunned by her request. "Can't you do it yourself, Rose?" Then, she looked at him in _that_ way, and he was lost.

"Please?"

The Doctor did not doubt it any more. "Yes, of course." _Anything for you_. He took off his suit-jacket, aware he has truly become unable to deny Rose anything...

The Londoner met the Time Lord's eyes, ones persistently only looking at her face. She believed to have seen some of the effort it took from him not to allow his beautiful brown eyes wander.

It was suddenly Rose's turn to feel awkward. "If you don't want to, you needn't-"

"I do. If these two remaining months are all I have left with you-"

She pressed her lips tightly together to stop a sob threatening to leave her mouth. All the same, the way her body began to convulse at his words could not be controlled. The Doctor understood his unforgivable mistake at once.

"Are you sure you are all right, Rose?"

She gulped, trying to fight off a sudden wave of desperate anger. This could only have ended in tears. "I sure as hell am not! I am dying! But it still won't make you say-" Rose exhaled, taking deep breaths until the majority of unpleasant feelings seemed to have evaporated. " _Are_ you going to help me, Doctor?"

He eyed the bath and grinned contentedly. It was possible to reach Rose from all sides without actually getting inside. Sharing a bath has never crossed his mind. "Yes! Are you ready for such an unusual experience, though?"

"Yes! I have been asking for it, after all," she smiled.

Rose was surprised at just how good the Doctor happened to be with this. He was washing her naked body with expert care from all angles she has allowed him to reach, seemingly unaffected by her unavoidable closeness, the heat of her body mingling with the warmth of the water she was in.

"Doctor," the sound of Rose's voice startled him and he met her eyes, sensing she wasn't done yet. "'You seem to be experienced in this," the statement bore a question in it. Never stopping to work on washing her carefully, he replied, if a bit absent-mindedly. "I have dealt with half-Time Lords before, you needn't worry, Rose!"

She choked.

"No." The Doctor concentrated on keeping Rose's breathing even at once. "Shhh. You are safe... And very likely fully human, Rose."

She did not feel like letting go of the subject so easily. "Would you love me if I weren't?" This felt like and was a very serious question, having almost made the Doctor forget the task he was wholeheartedly into. Where have these thoughts come from?

"But you _are_ , Rose. We shouldn't even be talking about this," he muttered, suddenly uneasy. The Doctor attempted to put the unbelievable possibility of him having to make sure this brought her back when the time came as far away in his mind as possible.

"Yeah.'" The companion was just as uncomfortable, wishing to be away from him all of a sudden. "I thank you for your efforts, Doctor... But it's about time I-"

"You what, Rose?" The tension in the room was as quick to arrive as it had evaporated.

"I should tell you, I know it would be best…" The Doctor froze. "Are you all right?" He repeated the same question again. Rose smiled at him, tense. "It's not important , really." She did not have the chance to continue. The Doctor shook his head. "Everything is important. _You_ are important. Rose Tyler."

This sounded like a goodbye for her. Even if the alien did not mean it like that, she was free to see whatever she wanted into his words, particularly after the painful reminder.

Rose could feel her eyes filling with tears. Without having thought about it properly, she pulled the Doctor to herself (as much as the borders of the bath allowed) and kissed him. Desperately, pleadingly, lovingly. "Don't go," she whispered. At least every trace of tears seemed to have been forgotten.

He has been too stunned to respond to the kiss. Rose backed away from him as much as the bath allowed. Maybe this was a mistake… "I am sorry. I-"'

The Doctor shook his head, smiling at her fondly. "It's fine, Rose. _Perfect_. "Really. Should I continue bathing you or would you rather I left?"

She was close to him again, grabbing his hands. "Don't leave. Don't leave me alone," she pleaded, her voice breaking. "I'm going to die if you leave," her voice was dead serious. He shuddered at the severity of her voice. "You won't. 'You are going to live a long happy life, with or without me, Rose!"

Okay. Maybe that phrase has been a mistake. A grave one, judging from the look in her eyes.

"No," she shook her head. "You don't understand, Doctor. I need you." She was almost trembling. "I'm sure you are going to find someone else, Rose!"

"No." She was _never_ going to find somebody else.

The broken look in her eyes has reminded him of something important. "Rose. Do you still doubt my feelings for you?"

"I don't know!"

The Doctor composed himself. He had to remain strong… for both of them. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Rose," he spoke tenderly.

The girl closed her eyes, afraid to believe in him. "Does it have any meaning now, Doctor?" _Empty words_.

'"Rose-"

"You must know I love you," she interrupted him. "It had to be said. You are free to do whatever with this." _As I'm dying anyway._

"Rose-"

"Say nothing. I don't have the strength to hear your reply."

The Doctor raised his hand. "I have delayed it for far too long, Rose."

"I'm sure I could wait for another two years," she inhaled sharply. "If only-"

He took her hand, suddenly damning the bath separating them. "Oh, Rose. I'm such a fool. Such a fool. I do, as a matter of fact, love you too."

Rose smiled happily. "As a matter of fact... Are you going to keep helping me or not?"

The Doctor was perplexed. Rose should have reacted differently! She should have been elated at his confession! He was not letting it go so easily. "Rose...I have just told you I love you. Surely, some reaction from your side would help?" That was when she pulled him closer and gave the Doctor the kiss of a lifetime... Only this time, it has been reciprocated properly...

"We must work on scrubbing you clean, m?" Rose smirked, took a deep breath and allowed the Doctor work wonders on her bare skin.

* * *

 _A/N. Fluff… Not really. There is the moonlight scene (with everything) waiting for us, the death scene, the angst… and then (only then!) we will be properly back to the present. But it is taking much too long, eh? I will be skipping the greater deal of the said two months, as well as of the three months after, don't you worry._

 _Enjoy the light while it's here. I am leaving you the benefit of the doubt as to how many of the words uttered on a whim were actually... meant to be said.  
_


	6. To know a beginning, but never an end

_A/N. I refuse to believe we're on the sixth chapter already. How did this happen? No matter. How did the no reviews thing happen? Hm. But you have been warned. It gets darker and will only continue to darken… for a while. A glimpse of light… and back again._

* * *

 **Previously…**

" _We must work on scrubbing you clean, m?" Rose smirked, took a deep breath and allowed the Doctor work wonders on her bare skin._

* * *

 **Black Light**

 **To know a beginning, but never an end**

 _Five months ago_

"Now tell me something I could honestly believe in," the fair companion spoke gravely, addressing the alien as soon as his entire frame stuck out from under the TARDIS console.

The Doctor was unpleasantly surprised, his excited grin falling off his face at once. This was not how the morning should have begun. Rose was supposed to be jumpy, excited and laughing, a bringer of joy wherever she went, just like she always has been. Maybe put in a jest or two about yesterday, why not? She must have had a bad night's sleep, he decided. Maybe a nightmare. Nothing that could not be dealt with easily.

"What do you mean?" He asked instead.

"I am used to people trying to make a fool out of me. Used to so many things. But yesterday has been worst of it all."

 _What?_ "What was it about yesterday?"

"My vulnerability… anyone's, for that matter. I could not stop myself. Have told you too much. But you, _you_ -"

The Doctor was flustered. "Was something wrong about how I- you know full well I never- would never-"

"No!" Rose's voice grew in volume all of a sudden. "You have done everything right. Have _kissed_ me just fine… But everything you have told me… It was all nothing but a bunch of sweet lies, I know. You have at least succeeded in making me believe it, for however short a while. Thank you, Doctor! I appreciate all the things you are ready to do for your foolish, amorous _dying_ companion…"

The meaning of her words struck the Doctor then. She did not believe him. But neither did she retreat from her yesterday's admission.

Startled, he could think of nothing but addressing a different subject. "Have you been having nightmares, Rose?" As much as her distrust hurt him, she was his responsibility.

"I did not sleep at all tonight," Rose admitted, saddened by the fact the Time Lord did not at least try to object to her earlier words.

The Doctor bit his tongue, so as not to remind her his very sensible suggestion he had given her. _You can sleep here, Rose. I will go to a different room. No need to make you any more uncomfortable, dear._

She declined, having listed a number of reasons why this was unacceptable. While none of those were impossible to talk her out of, the Doctor did no such thing.

"Neither did I. Not a wink."

That was it. Shared smiles, a friendly embrace… A fit of laughter about just how similar they were becoming… and all was _fine_ again. It was easier for both of them to simply ignore the bathroom scene ever took place.

Neither the Doctor nor Rose spoke of that outburst of feelings that day day... Neither the following day nor the day after that. It seemed the after-effect of that visit had been quick to evaporate. They kept sharing hugs and holding hands just as much, if not more… but that still meant nothing.

* * *

Rose could see just how careful… and caring the Doctor has become, ready to help her with every little thing. But he was growing restless after _one_ day without leaving the TARDIS. Never mind several.

She has eventually convinced him to accompany her to Jackie – that much seemed like a safe enough place for him. "Do you promise not to say anything?" The Doctor was looking at Rose pleadingly.

"I am capable of this much, Doctor," Rose rolled her eyes at the alien good-naturedly. _I am not so sure about you._ Ever since he has learnt his companion has had but several months left to live, his entire posture seemed to have changed. He was more reserved about what he said. Seemed to be thinking twice as long before expressing an opinion. " _You_ watch your tongue, Doctor. Or I will ask Mum to cook something with pears in it. Just for you," she menaced. The alien shuddered. _Not_ eating at Jackie's was considered a grave offence.

"Let's just keep quiet, then," the Time Lord agreed.

Jackie Tyler was pleasantly surprised about their sudden visit. "What is it? Is the world ending?"

Rose glanced at the Doctor… and suddenly regretted her seemingly sensible choice. His eyes were hollow. If only Jackie knew how right she was. My _world is ending._ This time, their thought was one and the same, Rose meaning her own fate… The Doctor meaning Rose and just how much of his life would be gone without his pink and yellow companion.

Jackie sighed heavily. "Come here, both of you." She placed her daughter's hand into the Doctor's. "No matter what was the reason of your quarrel before you decided to come here, I am not having any of it."

"Sorry," the Doctor muttered. But the closer the predicted day, the harder it was for him to put on a mask of excitement and ease.

"You should be sorry," Jackie noted. "Rose?"

"Mum-" She avoided her eyes. Another look, and she would be crying her eyes out. "We must go."

Jackie stared at her child. "What, now? You have only just arrived!"

"It's for the better if we leave now," the Doctor sighed. "Come, Rose! You win – I will allow you to choose the colour of the walls in our room. "

"She wants it painted bright pink," he stage-whispered to Jackie. "Bye for now!" He hurried to leave, their hands connected almost at once. The mother only shrugged.

* * *

Rose stared at him. "What was _that_ about?"

"A believable excuse," the Doctor winked at her. "Don't tell me it wasn't!"

"Well…" She burst out laughing. It was almost believable. So much of her efforts to get him out and ease his _stuck-too-long-in-one-place_ syndrome."You don't need to be with me all the time!"

"Tough," he raised an eyebrow. "I thought you _wanted_ me to!"

"I do, but not like this!"

"Hm?" Surely, he knew what she meant. Not travelling exclusively to places considered safe. Rose wanted to feel a dash of real excitement, perhaps even some real fear… all parts of a real, proper adventure. But the Doctor did not feel ready for risking Rose's life any further.

"You know what I mean," she rolled her eyes.

The Time Lord exhaled heavily. _And you know I can't._

"Look, Doctor. I hate to remind you this – hate to remember it, but I believe I deserve to live the remainder of my life to the full, yes?"

This was not right. Could never be right. Rose could not be-

The Gallifreyan shook his dark thoughts away instead. She has had the right for some more trips, at least. "Yes."

"Wonderful!" The girl wrapped her arms around the Doctor. "Whereto next?" Rose chirped excitedly, her feet seemingly already aching to run.

"Oh, I don't know..." The Doctor could only look at his companion in admiration.

Rose grinned at him. "Random it is, then!"

There she was, wrapping him around her little finger as simply as that. "Are you sure?" He managed.

"Absolutely!" She was positively glowing.

"But-" The Doctor wasn't even trying. Not truly.

The Londoner peered at him. "Look, Doctor, if you have a particular location in mind, let's go there, okay? Your hurt-puppy-eyes are not working on me!" Not that he was trying it right now.

She studied his eyes. "It's been days since we've travelled anywhere remotely interesting, Doctor! Please, stop brooding and just-"

"Just what?" The Doctor was almost afraid of where this was going.

"Take me someplace that is _not_ another pleasure planet, however far in the galaxy it may be."

"I thought you loved it, Rose!"

"I do, I did, but it sort of loses half of its charm when the greater part of its attractions is meant for couples." Rose bit her lip.

The Doctor was stunned. "Well… Aren't we?"

The girl inhaled sharply. This was not the reaction she expected from him. Of course, of course he remembered... As did she, as a matter of fact.

"I thought you'd rather forget that evening in your bathroom, yes?"

He shook his head, shocked such an idea could have come into her head. "No, never! What do you take me for, love?"

"Someone too ashamed of admitting..."

The Doctor looked at her, shaking his head. "Admitting what? That the sight of you naked has only given my mind the chance to imagine all sorts of things?" She grabbed his hand.

Rose peered at him knowingly. "Only it's more than imagining, yes?"

He exhaled, frustrated. "Er-"

She smiled at him fondly.

"Are you sure the aphrodisiac is no longer affecting you, Rose?"

"Positive," her smile turned into a grin. _That_ sort of grin. "But this still does not look like _random_ to me," she reminded.

"Okay. Fine," he muttered, flipping a switch.

* * *

 _A/N. How was it?_


End file.
